Mo: Well I've spoken to the lads, and they all have their hearts set on the south of France.

N: But I can't let them out of prison!

G: Of course not! We'll take the prison with us!

N: What? We can't move the prison! People will talk!

G: Neddie. We're going to leave a cardboard replica.

The Macreekie Rising of '74

Chisholm: Hairy Scots, tonight we march north to England!

Secombe: But England's south!

Chisholm: Aye, we're gonna march right round the world and sneak up on them from behind!

N: The Scots are firing porridge at us!

Bn: The devils! They're trying to unbalance our diets!

N: Never fear! We English have a weapon in our armoury twice as deficient in calories as porridge... and twice as deadly.

Bn: Seagoon! You're not going to fire-

N: Yes! Brown Windsor soup!

 

N: Well, these earplugs seem to be all right. How much do you want for them?

G: 100 pounds.

N: How much do you want for them?

G: 100 pounds!

N: That's funny, I can't hear him.

G: Take out the earplugs.

N: I said: How much do you want for them?

G: 100..., Look, take out the earplugs!

N: Stop all that silly miming man. How much do you want for them?

G: 100 pounds!

N: He obviously doesn't want to do business with us. Come on, get out, get out!

G: No, wait, I....

[door slams]

N: 100 pounds for earplugs we can hear through? Not likely!

Milligan's Who's Who ~ Part 95 Taken from 'More Goon Show Scripts' © Spike Milligan 1973.

Eccles Homo Sapiens, also, Ecco Homo. Part-time human being, height varies between 2 foot 6 inches, and 18 foot 3 inches, depending upon food, environment and bed size. At birth he was round and full of currants, and was baptised Eccles Cake. Schooling,- Mr Crollick's Establishment for the chronic fit. Spent 18 years in Kindergarten. dopted by Rich Sponsor,- Private turot of two years. Tutor commited to an Asylum. Rich sponsor charged with trying to drown the boy child Eccles, also charged with throwing him off the Eiffel Tower (Eccles Survived the fall) charged with laying Eccles in face of Oncoming steam roller. Rich Sponsor honoured on Queen's Birthday. Destruction of Eccles medal first clasp. Eccles was next seen by the Captain of the H.M.S. Posiden, he was 120 miles South South East of the Lizard and eating a sandwich, when hailed by the H.M.S. Posiden he replied 'I had one two, but the wheels came off'. Since then he Admiralty have charted his course. Currently reported to be sleeping peacfully on a rocky Atoll in the French Atomic Bombing Range.

Bloodnok, Denis Leonard b. 1893- Educated Repton, Eton, Oxford (Mrs Sims Tea Rooms). Commissioned Sandhurst 1913 attached Ropers Light Horse, Indian Army 1914. Reported killed in action two days before the outbreak of war. Found wandering in room 361 of Dorchester Hotel, when questioned by police he replied 'I am Mrs Dorothy Crollics and I am innocent'. A medical examination followed which he enjoyed, saying to the Gynaecologist 'I don't know who you are sir, but you've done me such a power of good.' He was given a suit of clothes and pound. Reappeared as a Colonel in the Rajuptana Rifles, who he hit with a stick. In 1916 with the Germans advancing on Paris, he in Poona, ordered his regiment to retreat 600 miles to the Madras Cricket Club. Bloodnok leading them from 1st class compartment on the railway. Arrested on arrival for travelling without a ticket he replied 'I am Mrs Dorothy Crollics, I am innocent'. He escaped from Yeroda Jail disguised as Ghandi, meantime the real Ghandi wa arrested as Major Bloodnok. Meantime Bloodnok had contracted Chinese Dysentry, 3 buckets of it. A Parsee doctor had threated him with heated enemas. At the time of going to press Bloodnok's whereabouts is not known, although at Paddington Station heavy snoring has been coming from the left luggage locker 32.